Oct 19, 2009
fragile relationship
Well, I have this theme in my mind for some time.. friendship between a man and a woman.. Is it really possible? If so, under what circumstances? If not, should we not even try it?
To tell the truth, I tend to say no to the first question..or at least from my own experience..A male colleague told me once that this is out of question first of all because the nature of men.. even if they manage to have a close friendship with a woman they feel no sexual interest for, this rapidly changes after the first bottle of wine, whiskey or whatever..I won't comment on that, but I will quote a good friend of mine who concluded (after some unsuccessful attempts of that kind) that "men and women can only be just good friends when they both are involved in happy relationships with other partners". For the moment, it seemed totally acceptable..But now, I realized that ok, that is possible, but not necessarily would happen..Because we tend to limit the relationships we have to our needs..So, if I am content of my happy relationship, I don't really feel the desire or the mood for having a very close good friend..As my mate is my close good friend..Of course it doesn't mean I don't socialize, but to have really good friends you need to put a lot of energy in that..and the energy is already consumed with your partner..
And if you don't have a relationship and feel yourself very comfortable with your opposed sex friend, sooner or later the erotic side will reveal.. perhaps it's so natural like birds fly or lions hunt.. Should this instinct be fought against?
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5 comments:
you never can put friendship and love , in a clear and logical equation. there are no real borders or limits. anything is everything. friendship is love and love is friendship.
any thoughts that may come , should be reflected on and decided if it is good or bad, and subsequently eliminated. as beeings with reason, we must and can control our thoughts.
mihai frunza
Well, that sounds so mechanical..sometimes is merely delightful to have things beyond your control..We are not robots, we are humans..the mind should not be the most powerful organ all the times maybe..we ll loose the beauty of perception by senses..
I didn't quite get it about anything is everything..? and friendship is somehow different from the love I referred to as in a relationship..
But as someone said in a previous comment... there are different kinds of loves.... For a good friend you feel differently than for your partner..
And sometimes you feel differently for the same person but at different times....
I guess if you cannot put love and friendship in an equation...you can definitely not put equality between them(that would make a very simple equation ;))
And there is one more thing... there is a big difference, in my opinion, between thoughts and feelings.... And if people could be in control of their feelings, eliminating the bad ones.... the world would look much different...
Yes, we know this aspect, it's been in everyone's life at some point.
From my point of view I can tell you that this was for me possible only if there was completely no sexual attraction to that woman that I was friend with. If there was just a little physical attraction, even if it started really platonic and like a friendship between 2 male or 2 female persons, it ended up in a relationship. For some reasons (strange as a matter of fact) I didn't feel any attraction for 2 very intelligent and also beautiful girls, and I managed to remain with them eveb after more than 10 years just good friends and no other sort of feelings.
That's an example I am glad you told me about..they are scarce.
You see, this sexual desire is somehow so unexpected..As it is not necessarily related in the main aspect to the other, but to your needs and thoughts (my belief)..Maybe that's why it didn't matter so far that your friends were good looking..Although I admit most men don't think at all when they see beatiful women.. But that's sheer instinct and does not form the theme of the post.
Usually the borderline between 'just friends' and 'what if..' is unclear for at least one of the friends and at least in some moments in life when things are not well settled in mind.. It happens..
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