learning a new perspective

I was walking toward a shopping area some days ago..A lot of people was doing the same..last things to buy for Xmas..
But for me it was not just a rush to buy some things..I had a particular state of mind..Lately I experienced it a couple of times..
I walked and was pretty glad to be able to do it..the walking..to feel the snow under my feet, to see the buildings past me and people around me..Just to enjoy this amazing feeling of having no serious problems..
We forget it so easily..and so often..To be really glad for being able to live decently..and maybe we should stop and think more deeply about what we really need in this life..
I m sure that we can live pretty happily with maybe a 10th of what we have in present..and enjoy life more..As I noticed a lot around me..that the more we have the more we long for and the less satisfied we are with your accomplishments..

It's worth it to stop even for a minute every day and think about it..how much we really need to be satisfied with our life..and how many reasons to be glad and grateful we have..As we can do that, we can feel significantly less stressed about everyday problems and also more kind and nice toward other people we interact with..

I repeat a saying which I feel it's sooo true : 'At the end, all we have in life is what we gave to the others'.. a smile from the heart, a touch of a hand, a kind word of encouragement or thanking. as simple as that!

And because it's Xmas day:

wisdom of the day

Here is a quote I just saw as a motto somewhere..
" Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom" (Th. Jefferson)
That made me raise my elbows..How come?
I noticed sooo many times in my life that almost every time me or anybody else chose to act honestly, nothing good for the person comes out..we just fall from high above and crushing to the ground...it hurts! could that be called wisdom? It could mean I have a peaceful conscience and respect for the others..But to be wise? in the social environment you all live in..maybe honesty is not the first chapter at all..maybe is just a privilege you might enjoy with yourself and the very close ones.

It's even more weird since the quote belongs to a politician..politics rules out honesty from what I see over here at least..or things changed dramatically since the 18th century.

dare!

I just saw the movie about Coco Chanel and it crossed my mind..how much courage she had to show she's different from the social conventions. But everybody is somehow different..and some are so afraid of showing it, of affirming who they really are..I am too, sometimes..But recently I feel it less..I gained a certain strength ..that I have the possibility to follow my own dreams..with all the passion I can put into them..this passion is what can make the whole difference..It seems so laughable, even to myself, to believe (sometimes, not always :)) that I am special, that I have the right to be special in this world. Nevertheless, it's true for any of us.
Just dare to pursue your dreams and to put your soul (meaning positive energy) in the big steps you take in life..or to dare to make them real. At least try! You ll not regret trying something in which you thoroughly believed in the way you would regret not giving yourself that chance.
I remember when I had a tough period some time ago...I felt my life was useless. I was so scared to dream not to mention putting it into reality.. I was in a plane reading a magazine to pass those 8 hours of flying when I just came across one quote which I felt was the kick for my mind to start moving ahead. I write it here maybe somebody would feel the same way:
"whatever you do or dream you can do, begin it now- boldness has genious, power and magic in it. begin it now!" (Goethe)

nature..pure energy

One of my friends is especially sensitive..very attentive to every gesture and words anyone addresses her..A lot of negative energy out of that, of course..only if you think she ( as a lot others, including myself) lives in a big, crowded, dirty and ever rushing city..A time ago, she confessed she recharges her batteries during her staying at a chalet in a mountain resort only by walking alone in the forest..where she can feel sheer energy pouring into her veins..More recently, I started to understand better what is this sensation like..Maybe as we grow older, we begin to need to recharge.Some are more precocious nevertheless. And what I realized is the huge effect nature can have on anyone provided they let it inside them..It is like when I connect my laptop to charge..Living the artificial life of a city, looking everyday without even seeing anymore the cable wires, traffic, blocks of concrete, it's hard to open again to nature..to shiver feeling its power through the bone..a divine presence..like preying in a church maybe..I kind of associate nature and divinity similar to my idea about taoism..I believe humans could feel more at ease and content if they try to live in harmony with nature..bending like a willow in the wind..Not returning to the stone age or moving in the countryside all of us, of course... More like going into the nature like into a church and feel the connection..the pure energy.

Smile!

it's a sort of a little experiment that makes people happy...at least for a moment...
Smile at people on the street as if you were happy to see them, even though you don't know them or you to want to engage in any conversation with them...
I have tried this many times in many countries, when I am in a good mood(otherwise it doesn't work),....and most of the times people have smiled back or said hello and passed by a little happier... I am talking about the people that walk observing the nature and the people around them...not about those who walk but are in their own world...
the 'results' of my 'experiment' are consistent throughout the countries.... but the reactions are different according to the age of the people you're smiling to....
the happiest of them all were the older people... you can see them shine and most of the time they say hello or something nice in return...
...and maybe you forget it was an 'exercise', get into the spirit and be more happy yourself...

funny phone calls

Usually when people is talking on their cell phones, I overhear parts of it..

Quite amusing today, I noticed that when guys are engaged in a talk with their girlfriends, big majority of them aswer like this " hi, darling..I am walking towards/ I am at work/ I am eating/ I won't be long/ I am with my best friend/ my colleagues/ I will be home in 2 hours.." So, most women ask first " were are you? with whom? for how long?".

As for the girls answering the phone, they usually say " hello, sweetie.. I can meet you tonight/ we will drink sth for this evening/ I am so tired , maybe tomorrow.."
So guys are asking mainly " when/ where can we meet?"

That accounts for the differences beetween sexes, I suppose.. pragmatic minds, you guys..

how much selfishness is enough?

I ask this question with the knowledge of the fact that some selfishness is natural and even necessary for surviving and living as an individual among a group, as a psychologist wrote.
Children are selfish by definition until 7-8 yrs of age and some preserve emotions and reactions from childhood throughout their whole life (same source).

Nevertheless, when I meet extremely selfish people, I tend to avoid them..My way of acting when facing an unpleasant situation..
And, still..I used to be one of those.. never willing to give away from my belongings without balancing the offer-receive gain..And the change I could make towards being more generous to people around me took place just because other fellows I met did not react as I usually do.. They didn't walk away..Instead took the patience to offer more and not get upset with my selfish attitude..I slowly understood I can gain more from not being so calculatedly selfish and of course those around me would be more satisfied too.. ( a favorite saying expresses it so nicely : the things which are yours and really matter at the end of your life are not your material belongings, but those who you were able to offer to the others).
What annoys me still is when I offer some things to another who just grabs them and passes by, without being aware that those things are not his/her by nature, it's someone's wish to act less selfish in order to let them have a benefit.. I am aware I still keep a record..of offering and receiving..and believe people should not surpass a certain limit..the common sense one.. I get angry when I notice someone trying to benefit out of me "less selfishness" to put it that way..I can not say I am altruist, cause I have a long road to climb to reach that state, but nevertheless..
I wander which would be the best attitude for me now.. to say the things I am bothered about in the face with this type of persons or to try to make them better persons in the way I was molded by the 'good people' I met in my life?
It crossed my mind I might have been like those I criticize here if it wouldn't have been for those who took the path of acting with patience and generosity! Maybe taking responsibility of changing matters should be as valid in that respect like in the 'preserve nature' or 'help the poor' issues.. As with everything which implies action not just talking, making it real is not easy for sure..

out of fear

When I walk longer distances, I indulge in letting my thoughts wander.. Today I did that..and my mind stuck on things people habitually do out of fear.. Like marrying for fear of not ending up alone, putting up with a partner not fitted just for fear of being on their own, emotionally blackmailing family or friends for fear they could loose the central role in their lifes.
Actually I thought about loneliness as the biggest fear in a persons's life.. I saw most of the elderly people bear very hard the 'coarse' of being alone..even name it the hardest challenge in life..I also noticed that people whom I can name as strong people (not insensitive or cold) can assume this situation with serenity.
Maybe it's just another task I have to assume myself..

weird story

Since someone raised my attention on the lyrics of this tune, I cannot help thinking about it every time I listen to the play..How strange a situation..At first seemed so stupid a thing to do..but perhaps it was a desperate solution for a desperate situation in the mind of a woman..hard to judge someone if you are not in the same situation..and even if..

fragile relationship

Well, I have this theme in my mind for some time.. friendship between a man and a woman.. Is it really possible? If so, under what circumstances? If not, should we not even try it?
To tell the truth, I tend to say no to the first question..or at least from my own experience..A male colleague told me once that this is out of question first of all because the nature of men.. even if they manage to have a close friendship with a woman they feel no sexual interest for, this rapidly changes after the first bottle of wine, whiskey or whatever..I won't comment on that, but I will quote a good friend of mine who concluded (after some unsuccessful attempts of that kind) that "men and women can only be just good friends when they both are involved in happy relationships with other partners". For the moment, it seemed totally acceptable..But now, I realized that ok, that is possible, but not necessarily would happen..Because we tend to limit the relationships we have to our needs..So, if I am content of my happy relationship, I don't really feel the desire or the mood for having a very close good friend..As my mate is my close good friend..Of course it doesn't mean I don't socialize, but to have really good friends you need to put a lot of energy in that..and the energy is already consumed with your partner..
And if you don't have a relationship and feel yourself very comfortable with your opposed sex friend, sooner or later the erotic side will reveal.. perhaps it's so natural like birds fly or lions hunt.. Should this instinct be fought against?

autumn mood for romanian folk

a matter of trust

I have a periods of exams these weeks..which make me think less, live less, eat more :)) but it's not about that now..A funny thing happened at a exam..
I stood beside one of my colleagues whom I know quite well..and I know she believes I read more than her..maybe that would be true, but offers no guarantees for the power of the memory..and at a moment, she asked me something which involved figures..I answered somehow confidently and she changed her answer for mine..I confess I was not reassured with that at all..knowing my memory for figures..but I was not able to convince her I might be wrong..Of course I was wrong..and she was right..or would have been right if had not modified the answer.
So, when I came across this I could not help smiling:

"People follow those who believe thoroughly in what they say!"

movie time: A good year

'You'll come to see that a man learns nothing from winning.
The act of losing, however, can elicit great wisdom. Not least of which is, uh... how much more enjoyable it is to win.
It's inevitable to lose now and again. The trick is not to make a habit of it'

We have time

We have time for everything: sleep, run back and forth,
regret we made a mistake and err again, judge others and absolve ourselves,
we have time to read and write, edit what we wrote, regret what we wrote,
we have time to make projects and never follow through
we have time to dwell in illusions and stir through their ashes much later.
We have time for ambitions and diseases,to blame destiny and details,
we have time to look at the clouds, at the ads, or some accident,
we have time to chase away our questions, postpone our answers,
we have time to crush a dream and reinvent it,
we have time to make friends, to lose them,
we have time to take lessons and forget them soon after,
we have time to receive gifts and not understand them.
We have time for everything.

No time, though, for a little tenderness.
When we’re about to do that, too, we die.

I learnt some things in life that I want to share with you!

I learnt you can’t make somebody love you. All you can do is be a beloved person. The rest…depends on the others.

I learnt that however much I care, Others might not care at all.
I learnt that it takes years to gain trust and that you can lose it in just a few seconds.
I learnt that it doesn’t matter WHAT you have in life, but WHOM.
I learnt you can get by and your charm is useful for about 15 minutes. After that, however, you’d better know something.
I learnt that you should not compare yourself to what others can do better– But to what you can do better.
I learnt that it doesn’t matter what happens to people, But what I can do to help them.
I learnt that no matter how you cut it, Every thing has two faces.
I learnt you need to part with your loved ones with warm words.It might be the last time you see them.
I learnt that you can carry on for a long time After you said you can’t.
I learnt that the heroes are those who do what’s needed, when needed,no matter what the consequences.
I learnt that there are people who love you,but don’t know how to show it.
I learnt that when I am angry, I have THE RIGHT to be angry. But I don’t have the right to be a bastard, too.
I learnt that true friendship continues to exist even at a distance. And this is also true for real love.
I learnt that, if somebody doesn’t love you like you want them to, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all their heart.
I learnt that no matter how good a friend is, he will nevertheless hurt you every once in a while, and you’ve got to forgive him for this.
I learnt that it’s not always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you’ve got to learn to forgive yourself.
I learn that no matter how much you suffer, the world won’t stop in its tracks because of your pain.
I learnt that your past and circumstances might influence your personality. But YOU are responsible for what you become.
I learnt that if two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And the fact that they don’t argue doesn’t prove they love each other.
I learnt that sometimes you’ve got to put a person first,and not his deeds.
I learnt that two people can look at the same thing and see two completely different things.
I learnt that no matter what the consequences, those who are honest with themselves go farther in life. I learnt that your life can change in the course of a few hours by people who don’t even know you.
I learnt that when you think you’ve got nothing to give, when a friend calls for you, you’ll find the strength to help him.
I learnt that writing,Just like talking, Can soothe the pain in your soul.
I learnt the the people you love the most are taken away from you much too soon.
I learnt that it’s too hard to realize where to draw a line between being nice, not hurting people, and standing up for your beliefs.
I learnt to love so I can be loved.

(Octavian Paler)

pour ton souvenir

That tune..the lyrics..the things which happened to me.. a certain person whom I came across..and for whom I keep a special place in my memory and in my soul..the way he spoke the words..and the emotions..so powerful I could almost touch..and feel scared and joyful in the meantime.. Anyway, I can not remain the same..I sometimes get so involved in my own problems, become nervous, tensed, irritated, and forget so easily why I cherish the person beside me..what are his best points and what made me love him at the beginning..from time to time, the words of a special person awake in my memory .."in those moments of negative thoughts, we should strive to remember why we chose our pair in the first time and focus on those reasons".. I could never forget the way he was speaking to me..you know, those 'words you can feel..really feel'..
Thank you my special friend for the moments we shared..and for the many things you made me aware of ..
I feel also like thanking to my dear and close friend for many years now, who smoothed the ground for all that happened after a certain moment to my conscious, my mind and heart to turn me into what I am now..with good and less good parts, but most important, with feelings..I could never evolve that way without you in my life!
There are also other dear friends who showed me so much patience and affection throughout time that I am so grateful..My heart keeps inside it your 'photografia'!

how would you describe yourself?

I was asked again..this apparently so simple question..How would you describe yourself? ( and it was not for a job interview :))
What big deal..everybody can answer that by 2-3 words at least..
(I even learned about sb's blog in which she put all things she liked or disliked in a pile of short phrases.. it was sth like " I prefer my soup hot. I don't stand mice. I wake up early.etc)
I more often hesitate on answering.. 'Cause it s somehow related to specific moments I think of on the spot..
Your deeds characterize yourself,no?
For my part, on some ocasions I act quite differently depending on a number of factors, the most important being the persons close to me..Like there are 2 opposite fellows inside and they express each in turn.. And then, which one is real?
To make myself clearer, I could be extremely selfish, cold, exaggeratedly proud , even mean with those who awake this 'dark' side of my temper.. With some, on the contrary, I act generously, warmly, without the slightest touch of selfishness..
It's bonded to the persons whom I interact with, but not necessarily a straight relation - good acting people-good side of me and the reverse..Many times it was a cross link: nice people- bad me and bad people- good me..I guess my behavior was related to the feeling of threat..With not at all nice people who didn't awake my 'en garde' reaction, a state of discomfort or menace inside me, I was surprisingly good...So, once again..it arouse the belief..that there are not good or bad people, but comfortable or threatening situations..everybody reacts more or less the same towards these 2 feelings..what makes a difference is the trigger..the way we perceive it.
My last note is on envy..I heard somebody discussing about why are people envious.. it's not about the money, the job or the beautiful wife your neighbor has, but about your perception about his satisfaction with these accomplishments. What we envy is the way sb is feeling, not the trigger actually. It was an interesting explanation of envy and I agree completely. It also helps to turn this negative feeling of envy into something more useful once you are aware of its mechanism...
You could be glad someone is happy and have your share of well being..
I found a quote from Buddha these days..very nice indeed.
"Happiness never decreses by being shared". Take away message.

I WOULD RATHER BE HATED FOR WHAT I AM THAN TO BE LOVED FOR WHAT I AM NOT ( KURT COBAIN)

Love is not automatic. It takes conscious practice and awareness, just like playing the piano or golf. However, you have ample opportunities to practice. Everyone you meet can be your practice session.(Hari)

Is it so?:) (me)

so challenging a job!

I had a very interesting talk with my mate last days..about having kids, breeding them to maturity and letting them go after their own dreams..(and returning to my previous post's theme) not being instinctively selfish to expect them to be by your side after their retirement or when starting to feel alone..
I see it a lot around me.. parents who emotionally blackmail their children to do what make the parents feel good..leading the kind of life these parents would have wished to live themselves and shifting their unfulfilled dreams to their children.. and that way putting a lot of stress on these kids..who are good kids by vast majority..and don't want to disappoint their parents..but in the same time these children are not happy, which is also the ultimate goal of the parents for them ..Paradoxically!
And it became clear to me..even if I have no idea of how it is to be a parent.. that this "job" is actually a very very difficult one..If not the most difficult..
You can not quit either..Life time engagement sounds pretty scary to me!

For women (most of them) the desire of giving birth is more an instinct than a cold blood made decision..As there are so many hard parts of being a parent..in the way I started to look at the matter..So, let me outline some thoughts:

You (either parent) decide to put a break to your activity, spend all your (free) time and money to raise him and put him no 1 on your to-do list..of course in this time you could have spent that time and money for yourself.but you had to acomplish this..for your instinct, social pressure, or any other reason..so you kind of sacrifice yourself for the wellness of your kids..even if that doesn't seem like a burden..
Meantime,you expect something in return..you expect that they would pay back the affection and 'investment' you made for them..
If this happens, you consider yourself a lucky parent..But there are not so many cases in which what you as a parent see as good for the child, he/she would feel the same..If it's not, than your kid could become somewhat frustrated..Not necessary developing a serious problem out of this but anyway..
If the child is more 'rebel' and choose to live his own way, you consider it lack of gratitude...As you want him beside you when you're old, or you want him to get married to 'that' girl not the other, you want him to have a bigger house or a better payed job. And it could be a problem if those are not the things which makes him happy..You may start to argue, to try to convince him your way of looking at life is better..
It follows that you expect the child you raised to follow your path.. quite selfish of you, isn't it?
Of course I don't agree he should take drugs as it's his only way of being happy.
I talk about those 'normal' cases we all see around us.

So, coming back..I find it so hard to make sacrifices without expecting anything in return..not even from your own child..Being a good parent might imply being able to breed your child without expecting him to do anything else than finding his own way of being happy....and meanwhile, finding other reasons to live for and making yourself useful to the society who might need you more than your child..
As you have taught him to fly away, he wants to explore the world by his own..That's not a disaster actually..You can say it as it sounds reasonable but it's hard not to feel a pain deep inside..
Life doesn't end when the child goes away..That should really not be the reason for someone to have kids.. I have a feeling it's much more difficult to put that in practice :)

I have to confess..after that talk, I questioned almost involuntarily
"So, why should I go through all that nuisance if in the end I am still alone? What if I make all those sacrifices for them and they turn out to be the opposite of what I wished ? and I would suffer for their misfortune or feel worried about their future? I would of course be happy for assisting their first steps, first words or when clapping my hands in the first row at their PhD investment, let's give an example.. But that's not inclining the balance in favor of having kids".

I found no other answer on the spot beside...." I could not fight the instinct".
Beside that, suffering is everywhere in nature..
Maybe what would make a difference would be to learn how to approach it.

tribute to people who can love

I added one more movie with Kate Winslet to my favorite list..this last one is "the life of David Gale"..it happened like in the others I saw recently.."the reader" and " revolutionary road" .. Could not keep back my tears falling down..
How could some people simply sacrifice themselves for their belief about changing the world for a better place..
what amazes me is not that fact actually..but the thought that they are aware that would not really change the world..
it simply takes more than an individual sacrifice to that..but they can go for it..knowing they are only a tiny fraction of a multitude of facts that can indeed make a difference.. and still willing to give up what they could live for, in favor of the reason they readily die for..
It's getting harder in these moments to use the word 'selfish' without feeling like a criminal.. I'm sure it would pass away till tomorrow, it's just human nature..and human memory.
But still ... to die for the idea " to let the world a better place than you have found it" takes a lot of courage..taken out of love..love for people, I think.

I just felt now like rendering tribute for those people out there who can feel like that.. not necessary die in the end, though.
Ps. I did not expect him to die till the last second, really..

meaning of life

So much truth in that.. I hope to remember that when I have to give a general definition or rule, it's much better to put no limitations to it. Letting thinks be wider can bring an unexpected completion of whatever there is to define.

goals

well, traveling is not that bad..on the 10th.. although it s more appealing the tattoo :)

why travel and not stick to books..

I have had the chance lately to meet some people who made of traveling a style of live..seen and lived so many things apart from what was their ordinary life..

And I also have met quite often some friends who spent most of their life reading..and of course have gathered a lot of knowledge.

Both parties argued that the way they get to know the world is the best.. I have only one comment to make.. What stroke me..was the difference in the way they saw and acted towards life and people..Especially towards unknown people.. It's obvious that what define us as persons is the way we deal with unexpected situations, not that when we just apply the routine scheme we have learned.

The first group is of course more easy going and open, that' s just natural..But they really succeed applying the motto 'keep it simple'. They see the 'good point' in everything what happens to them much more easily, are more helpful to the others without expecting much in return.. Actually most of this category can do very well on the idea "don't expect anything, just be glad of all the nice things around you".

Those so very fond of reading are more prone to dissect things around them.. to judge and expect more of themselves and the others. Even not noticing they do it. The more they read, the more open minded they think they are.

What I realized -only recently -is that when you re reading ( no matter how bright the author is or how smart the book)..the world opens to you..but it's not the world everybody lives in. It's YOUR world.. you have no limits, the limit is only your imagination..you can create as much as you wish..No factors of control beyond your reason.
But YOU are always subjective..

That's why I think we need the others to define ourselves and our concept of the way we wanna live.

The fact that we go to a totally new place, meet new ways of behaving and thinking has a huge impact also on the way the mind is functioning.

I mean 'travel' as a way of interacting with people and situations, learning and helping those you happen to meet. Not 'travel' like going to a 5* hotel for a week and only speaking with waiters in restaurants ordering fancy meals.

Actually I read about a person - quite rich banker in Northen Europe- who gave up his job and his posh way of life to experiment what he called 'real life' and wished even to meet homeless people and live like them on the streets for a while. That seem somehow far fetched to me, but it's his option..And I m sure that after that, he will be wiser and more content of what he's owing back home..It's impressive how often we forget to cherish things we have and get used to them. Not bad to remember it from time to time..

So, returning to my initial idea..It seems like the 'traveler' type can reach or get closer to the state of 'happy life' we all dream of..because it's again..not about how much you can gather, but how much you can give up to in order to be happy..It's neither about the 'lazy thinker' type of persons...who can readily live with pizza, beer and TV all day, nothing else needed for them to be happy.. But you already know it's not that kind of people I refer to.

My favorite professor from University used to say : "To make a man rich, don't give him fortune, but take away from his wishes" ( it' not his invention, but I associate this phrase with him because of his way of telling us that..In the middle of a 'serious' lecture about nasty germs and lethal infections :))

Traveling can help us not only realize how true this is, but also put us on the right track to reach the final destination. Of the happy end stories.

the new era..barbarians to the bottom?

I just finished a book about the new civilisation.. called ' The barbarians'
( Al.Baricco)
The Google & Mc Donalds' fellows...'the surfers'.
It made me think once again about this new type of looking at life..more at the surface than in depth..more willing to speed up than to dig inside.. more keen to experiment all sorts of sensations than to concentrate on a single side..
I used to consider it, as most of people would say at least at first, that is a worse type than what we( part of us at least) still worship..that is the 'true deep sense of life, years of effort to self assesment and concern towards the others'. All that old fashioned stuff in the eyes of the 'barbarians'..

But ..is it better or worse? A question most of you would probably still answer for the latter.

I appreciate the autor's judgement..it's neither one of those.. it's only different.. life is evolving..or at least getting different..nothing would stop that.

People just enjoy more the sheer plesure of senses, and why should this be blameworthy?

Still..

I look back at the time I wasn't asking myself any kind of questions..just living day by day..as simple as that..I could say I was more content..but questions started to make room little by little in my life..I became more fearful towards my own reactions.. passed through surprise, terror, worry, cowardice..
slowly I am drawing nearer the light at the end of the road..
for now only a glimpse of my nature..but accompaning that,here come more acceptance, more understanding, and I would dare say..more wisdom. ( it's just getting older, you can say. I totally agree. Still I 'm not sure everyone has the same way of looking at life as they get older).
I have a strange feeling for a time..I sometimes look at children in the eyes..in parks or in the bus or wherever and feel..that if I was in a likewise circumstance, I could teach them something..it s not a well defined 'something'...
I also got a different understanding of the meaning of being rich in this life..
Because at the end, all that you own is just what you gave or shared with the others.
It's no paradox. It's about being HUMAN.

apel pentru o campanie ..individuala!

Acest post nu pot sa l scriu decat in romana..veti intelege imediat de ce..

Am trecut azi pe langa o echipa de muncitori. nimic deosebit pana aici..doar sunt o groaza peste tot.. doar ca azi nu m a surprins ca nu lucrau, ca doar nu era nimic special in asta.. dar unul striga in gura mare " Ba Gicule, nu fii prost ma, du-te ca ti am facut rost de o spaga ..sa ma pomenesti .. tare de tot..spaga buna, nu asa.."
Nu stiu de ce azi, dar parca mi a picat chiar greu cuvantul asta la care dezvolt o alergie din ce in ce mai inversunata..din ce in ce mai greu imi vine sa l accept.
Mi a staruit in minte in urmatoarele 10 min de la conversatie.. si pe parcursul zilei..infiltrat intre cuvintele pe care le schimbau alti cetateni.. chiar daca nu l auzeam..parca l citeam pe buze, ascuns intre alte idei, oglindit in atitudine..
Oare exista ceva ce nu poti obtine cu spaga de rigoare?
nu ma mai gandesc la acele 'bunuri' absolute.. dreptate, libertate, adevar etc.. doar ar fi SF sa cred asta ,in toata naivitatea si idealismul feroce de care viata nu a reusit sa ma dezbare inca..
Dar poate se gaseste cineva sa mi dea exemple de lucruri pentru care nu poti da spaga ca sa le capeti.. intr o actiune umanitara.." Salvati idealismul" sa zicem..

Fixations

Do u ever get fixed on a song or an artist and keep it playing over and over again for hours or days?
It's like u get stuck in a certain mood and that song fits it so good... that you don't feel the need to change it anymore.... it becomes like a short-term obsession..
very painful for the flatmates or neighbors...

 I had quite some of these short-term obsessions in my life... For example, now I can feel now how I will be stuck for days on Laleh.(I have just discovered her from post of a friend on Facebook). I find it very light, like a summer wind ..the inflections of her voice are a delight to my ears...
and it fits my happy, light-hearted mood ( it may sound different to you, I've been told I tend to listen to depressive music). I just came home from my last trip for this summer.... and my heart is glowing filled with happiness...

But I have receipts for other states too: for sad, rainy autumn days, I recommend Nicu Alifantis (Emotii de toamna) and his other hits....for broken hearts Leonard Cohen (dance me to the end of love, I'm your man and others).... In my peak of depression I listened to Anthony and the Johnsons...(not anymore...they are too much)

For hot, lazy summer days -- Kings of Convenience and Cesaria Evora.

When I have too much energy I like the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack... ah... and my favorite red-wine companion is latin piano-jazz... I know this is very much a cliche.... nevertheless....I never said I dont have standard tastes.

If I get enough of her music in the next days, I will mix it with Matt Costa and Jason Mraz.

What about your fixations? Or do you have any suggestions to diversify mine?

Light-heartedness or better head-in-the clouds state of mind leads, as you can read above, to non-coherence.... I promise I'll get the coherence back..

Everyone passing through my door brings me happiness.. Some when they enter, others when they leave..

thought of the day

Bad experience is more often better than no experience.

CHARACTER CAN’T BE DEVELOPED IN EASE AND QUIET. ONLY THROUGH EXPERIENCE OF TRIAL AND SUFFERING CAN THE SOUL BE STRENGTHENED, VISION CLEARED, AMBITION INSPIRED AND SUCCESS ACHIEVED. ( HELEN KELLER)

discover or invent?

Today was just another ordinary day.. full of routine, of things I have to do, of promises to myself..nothing new of them, neither.. just the usual "from tomorrow I should go to bed earlier", " I ll start a diet to lose those extra kilos I long to get rid of", " I ll eat healthier ", " I ll spend less time in front of my PC" etc.. Sounds familiar? I think it 's more than hundreds of times I say that to myself..
Sometimes I keep to them for a couple of days if I m lucky.. But most of the times I forget about them as soon as the need comes again to my senses.. And I can't help thinking.. how much of me am I able to modify? and under what circumstances?
I remember my teacher of psychology in high school told us that humans can only modify their personality under major changes.. like a great misfortune, catastrophe, death of somebody dear..and the same opinion I read in one of my favorite books " The egyptian" by Mika Waltari. He stated that men have some typical features that are common to all and can't really change..Even if an awful thing happen and they say " now I see how miserable I can be, if ever I should recover from this trouble, I ll change my life completely!".. and when they do..they just start over again with the same old shit.. There are exceptions, of course..But unfortunately I am not one of them.
So, should I just accept that there are things which I don't like about myself and learn how to live with them ? and even start to see the good point in them ( supposing that they are )?.. A granted advantage of this would be the time I could use to enjoy the present moment and not live to wait for the next good things I would do.. But the reverse..not making any effort to improve, to defeat the weaknesses?
I remember of a quote I saw in the Stanford library.. " life is not about discovering yourself, but about inventing yourself". So, they also think we are able to do (almost) everything we long for? Are there limits in this process of invention?
Maybe the 'success' type people think like this..maybe when you don't feel there are barriers in your way, you have no limits in getting better?

sentimental story

Poveste sentimentală

Pe urmă ne vedeam din ce în ce mai des.
Eu stăteam la o margine-a orei,
tu - la cealaltă,
ca două toarte de amforă.
Numai cuvintele zburau intre noi,
înainte şi înapoi.
Vârtejul lor putea fi aproape zărit,
şi deodată,
îmi lăsam un genunchi,
iar cotul mi-infigeam în pământ,
numai ca să privesc iarba-nclinată
de caderea vreunui cuvânt,
ca pe sub laba unui leu alergând.
Cuvintele se roteau, se roteau între noi,
înainte şi înapoi,
şi cu cât te iubeam mai mult, cu atât
repetau, într-un vârtej aproape văzut,
structura materiei, de la-nceput.


Sentimental story

Then we met more often.
I stood at one side of the hour,
you at the other,
like two handles of an amphora.
Only the words flew between us,
back and forth.
You could almost see their swirling,
and suddenly,
I would lower a knee,
and touch my elbow to the ground
to look at the grass, bent
by the falling of some word,
as though by the paw of a lion in flight.
The words spun between us,
back and forth,
and the more I loved you, the more
they continued, this whirl almost seen,
the structure of matter, the beginnings of things.
(N. Stanescu)

words you can..feel

I would like to make a committment to you from the beginning ..

What you can read here is just simple things, ordinary could say, only one feature sets them apart somehow..for me, of course..

There are only things, I mean words, which I thoroughly believe in.. which I could feel from the heart.. It's only quite recently that I became aware of the power of these words..

I ll give an example..the most well spread..
think of the the times people say 'I love you"..I remembered that I should speak only in my behalf here..

So, the times I said "I love you" to somebody..there were a couple of times I said it..just like asking for some more water, please.. or whatever..in fact because those guys were funny, good looking, smart or just because they were caring and offered me their affection.. that is..because they fulfilled a need of mine.. and because I heard it everywere around me, it 's so natural to say to your partner 'I love you"..
I simply didn't think it could be more of it.. just say it, sounds good, make him feel great and in turn he returns the favour..what could be more to add?

The most important thing is that regarding 'my need'..
In fact, this love had nothing to do with my partner.. believe it or not, it has been a while for me to realise this 'selfish' approach of love.

But I went further from the topic of today.. Going back to words..

What a great great difference to those few times I could actually feel the other as 'another me' ..and just being glad for everything good which happened to him, regardless of the effect that it could have on me.. that is putting the other on the same position with myself.. and really taking part of his emotions..like they were mine..forgeting about 'my needs'..about selfishness..about conventions, principles and society..

This is nothing new, almost every book or movie on this topic would describe it even better than me.. I heard it before many times myself.. But what a change...what a feeling when they turned from simple words.. to organic sensations !

It s about this kind of words I want to share with you on this blog.. As I believe that humans are connected through emotions more than anything else...
Showing emotions and receiving feedback on them as well as being honest and open to the others is my attempt to improve the world ( a tiny tiny part of it) and... my way of discovering and improving myself.. becoming aware of the limits..trying to push them further..further until reaching the end of the' world' .. my world..

Where is the end and what does it look like?
that's another talk..or monolog? hope not..

what this Blog IS NOT

it is not a piece of literature,
not philosophical in any way...
maybe not gonna be very smart either....
maybe my thoughts are shallow, my observations too obvious...

if I'm lucky, maybe somebody will find inspiration in this..... or be completely appalled...
either way, I am going to be very happy if some readers will find the anonymity or not to let me know what they think& feel about the topics.

it is a way for me to organize my thoughts....and maybe benefit from others' experiences in my quest of rediscovering the wheel that will take me to the Ends of the World.

it may be too sentimental for somes, or too weak for others.... certain is that you cannot please everybody...and it shouldn't...