I ask this question with the knowledge of the fact that some selfishness is natural and even necessary for surviving and living as an individual among a group, as a psychologist wrote.
Children are selfish by definition until 7-8 yrs of age and some preserve emotions and reactions from childhood throughout their whole life (same source).
Nevertheless, when I meet extremely selfish people, I tend to avoid them..My way of acting when facing an unpleasant situation..
And, still..I used to be one of those.. never willing to give away from my belongings without balancing the offer-receive gain..And the change I could make towards being more generous to people around me took place just because other fellows I met did not react as I usually do.. They didn't walk away..Instead took the patience to offer more and not get upset with my selfish attitude..I slowly understood I can gain more from not being so calculatedly selfish and of course those around me would be more satisfied too.. ( a favorite saying expresses it so nicely : the things which are yours and really matter at the end of your life are not your material belongings, but those who you were able to offer to the others).
What annoys me still is when I offer some things to another who just grabs them and passes by, without being aware that those things are not his/her by nature, it's someone's wish to act less selfish in order to let them have a benefit.. I am aware I still keep a record..of offering and receiving..and believe people should not surpass a certain limit..the common sense one.. I get angry when I notice someone trying to benefit out of me "less selfishness" to put it that way..I can not say I am altruist, cause I have a long road to climb to reach that state, but nevertheless..
I wander which would be the best attitude for me now.. to say the things I am bothered about in the face with this type of persons or to try to make them better persons in the way I was molded by the 'good people' I met in my life?
It crossed my mind I might have been like those I criticize here if it wouldn't have been for those who took the path of acting with patience and generosity! Maybe taking responsibility of changing matters should be as valid in that respect like in the 'preserve nature' or 'help the poor' issues.. As with everything which implies action not just talking, making it real is not easy for sure..
6 comments:
Generosity is about giving others what (you think) they need without expecting a fair return. For example you may try to make someone happy, you may try to diminish the suffering of someone etc, and you feel like you won't lose really anything if you give something to someone. You don't have to be generous every day and night or on big stakes. A simple smile may bring another smile, so it may be enough. It is about empathy and sympathy towards the others, and it is a kind of the human connections. Why doing it? I say that ultimately it may help you overcome yourself and your possessions, giving you freedom. Or, at least, it relaxes you.
If you keep on counting about giving and receiving and limits, it means you are giving away things on which you are too attached. Maybe you will find something else to give away, but meaningful to the others. Attachment to something may bring you some suffering sooner or later, so try to understand why you are attached and in what conditions, and then try again. You'll understand yourself and be able to let it flow, you won't be carrying a big backpack or a small notepad with you everywhere.
Thanks for your comments, they are very reasonable and a good way to follow..I ll do my best out of them. Meantime, I d appreciate if you would sign your comments. Thanks again!
I like the way you pointed out that breaking the bond to your possessions gives you freedom..It might be the reason why usually the poorer enjoys life more?
Anyway, I had in my mind also everyday situations like working more in a team as your colleagues are not willing or able to do their complete share, or even in a friendship when your friends use to talk you into things which you would not do if it were not for their sake..I meant, doing things on a regular basis for the others to feel better.. And it is different from the act of generosity once in a while..
Breaking the bond doesn't mean giving them away, but simply understanding yourself as separate from them. I know some (self-made) rich people and a lot of middle class or poor people and the rich guys are certainly more relaxed about everything, including possessions. I don't know all of them well enough so as to be able to make a statistics but I do know the rich ones have more time to do whatever they like.
Doing more work than your fair share is not generosity but the will to keep the business going. It is different from the little gestures of work-friends, you do this for me and I'll do a small thing for you. Eventually, you might be promoted, but I think the best is to look for another job.
With friends, generosity is part of any friendship, but your friends tend to give you back whatever you need so you don't feel like being generous.
Signing would mean getting some thoughts in return, but here my contribution is made on a pure generosity basis. Internet is anonymous by its nature.
I asked you to sign your comments only to be able to answer you more like " hi, mike, wise judgement on that.." not asking for a complete name&address. Nevertheless, I respect your wish and appreciate your 'generosity' :)
Internet might be anything you like it to be, not just anonymous.
Coming back to the topic, it's difficult to explain on which situations I feel like my friends are pushing the limits..of course only a few, mostly not very close friends.
You might call it also 'home made education' or common sense.
I think they can see when I am not pleased with their request which is not a duty or obligation on me either and just stop doing it. That is how I react when I see sb is not feeling confortable with my idea, just let it go..Is it too much to ask?
There are certain answers for abuse: education (telling why not, or how to), ignoring (only the request or the person at all), asking something impossible for that person to give you in return, or some negotiation. But we don't talk of generosity any more. Maybe if the answer is clemency/ tolerance (or, perhaps, the education) we may see it as a state of mind close to generosity.
If you don't speak, they can understand wrongly your body language.
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